I guess the following is what would be termed in here as an anxiety post.
A couple months ago, right after Christmas, my wife and I had been talking about bringing another man into our sex life. My wife had strong objections and basically said no way and told me to drop it because she refused to consider it. But she added, if she ever did want to do it she would let me know. Hearing this I told her it was ok by me if she took on a lover, but said I didn't want her cheating behind my back that I just wanted to be there to join in or at the very least watch them. My wife told me that she didn't think she could ever let me watch her fucking another man as she would be too embarrassed. Sensing some progress and figuring once she had a lover I could manipulate it to meet my desires, I told her that in that case, I just wanted her to tell me about it before she did it and afterwards too. End of story or so I thought.
Three weeks ago last Friday night, my wife came home from work and told me she was going out with the girls from her work. At first I didn't think anything of it, but I had watched her dress and she wore very conservative clothes but quite nice ones, nicer than a night on the town for a couple of drinks with the girls would merit. Her new red silk chemise, red silk and lace bra with matching panties (that I gave her on Valentine's Day just past), black thigh high nylons, and black linen skirt. She looked very smart for a 39 year old. You wouldn't think she was your usual PTA, soccer type mom, but a successful professional businesswoman. On her way out the door my wife had an odd look in her eyes I had never seen before, almost distant. She kissed me perfunctorily and said thanks honey for being so understanding and was gone. Understanding about what I thought? After she had left I got to thinking, she rarely ever goes out with her friends on Friday nights. Its usually lunches during the week. I also remembered my wife telling me don't wait up as he expected to be quite late. I didn't have much to go on, but for some reason, despite her protestations she had no interest in other men, sexually or otherwise, I strongly suspected my wife was either going to meet some man, or she was on the prowl for one.
All through the evening, I was as nervous as a whore in church, I couldn't sit still, my mind was wandering and fantasizing what she could be doing. Let me tell you I have a very active imagination and I thought of thousands of scenarios! Each one got my cock hard as a rock. It took every ounce of will power I had to keep my hands out of my pants in front of my kids. I also found myself in a paradoxical position. The more turned on I got thinking of my wife might be fucking some other guy, the more insecure I got, the more my heart beat faster, the less I was able to sit still. My kids, both teenagers, thought I had ants in my pants! They had no idea what their loving mother was doing, then of course, neither did I. And that was the crux of it. I didn't KNOW, and I wanted to know. I wanted to see it, but I was home and she wasn't, and was doing whatever with whomever and I didn't know. I was experiencing an extreme anxiety attack.
Eventually the centuries passed and it was after midnight. No wife yet. After the kids went to bed I took out my cock and stroked it but kept myself from cumming. I was going to fuck my wife like mad and I wanted a good load to shoot into her to join the load(s) she probably already had in her cunt. 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM still no wife. I was in a frenzy, pacing like a caged tiger. Finally at 2:45 my wife's car pulled into the driveway. I was waiting for her in the living room. She came in and was surprised to see I was still up. I wanted to ask her who fucked her, but merely asked how her evening was. She said it was..."Nice." My wife just stood there for a minute and we looked at each other. I could tell or thought she wanted to say something. But she didn't. Her appearance was altered from when I last saw her. Her hair was a bit mussed, almost all of her makeup was gone, no lipstick remained and her clothes were slightly wrinkled. She didn't look like she had been sleeping in them at any rate.
My wife then just said good night, kissed me lightly on the cheek and went off to bed. I closely followed and undressed in our bedroom. My wife had gone into the bath and then closed and locked the door. LOCKED THE DOOR! Most unusual for her. About 10 minutes passed and she came out wearing flannel PJs. She saw me naked in bed and appeared to focus on my cock. A frown came over her face then she told me flatly, "you ain't getting any tonight!" My wife went to bed and was quickly asleep. I didn't get to see her naked, no sex, no explanation of her nights activities, no nothing. I lay there beside her, smelling the odors drifting from her; booze, smoke and stale sex. My cock was rock hard and I had the worst set of blueballs in my life!. My wife had been fucked. I knew it as sure as shooting, but I wanted something more substantial than mere odors drifting in my nostrils. I couldn't sleep so I got up. I looked in the bath for her underwear. No panties. I checked her purse, not there. I even checked in her car and they were nowhere to be found. I wanted to wake my wife and make her tell, but I knew she would be almost impossible to wake now.
Saturday was a busy day and it wasn't until around 3:00 in the afternoon was I able to get some private time with my wife. I asked her what she did last night and why she was so late. She looked at me and told me she was out with friends and she didn't feel like coming home until she did. The more I pressed her the less she said. I was frustrated. I wanted to know what she did and she wasn't coming forth. The following days were the same, every time I tried to bring up the subject of Friday night, she blew me off with a "I don't want to talk about it, it was just a night out with my friends." Friends...not the girls as she had originally said.
On Wednesday while at work, I received a Fed Ex package from someone named Cowboy in San Diego. San Diego! I don't know anyone from there. Guess what was in it? Right, the missing panties. I stuffed them in my pocket and immediately went to the john and in a stall I checked them out. They were dry naturally, but they smelled heavily of my wife, of course, but there was a stiffness to the crotch like it was coated with something. I couldn't smell anything particular, but if it was cum how would I know what another guys jizz smelled like anyway? When I got home from work that night my wife was her usual self and I didn't mention the Fed Ex.
Then came the following Saturday, week two. After dinner, I realized my wife wasn't around and I went looking for her. I found her in our bedroom, dressing as if to go out. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was... "going out." No further explanation, just out. The kids had gone off to visit friends and I was home alone...with only my fantasies and fears. For hours time crept by like molasses in January in Vermont. I again suffered all of the anxieties of the previous week only magnified, as I now revisited them. The kids came home around 11:00 and went to bed, thank God for small favors. I had been jerking off all evening. This time I let myself cum - 4 times before 11:00 and twice later! My cock was sore from jerking off so much and my senses were in a frazzle. What the fuck was my wife doing and who was she doing it with?
At 4:00 AM she comes through the door. I hadn't slept a wink. I was tortured and almost out of my mind. This time her clothes are a mess she looked exactly like you'd expect a woman to look who had been fucking all night. She reeked of sex. It overpowered my senses. This time I had no reservations, I asked her who had been fucking her. Her reply: "Wouldn't you like to know?" I told her I did and she refused to say. I asked her to tell me what this was all about? She then said that I had given her permission to fuck other men or didn't I remember? I was angry. Furious really with her attitude. I tried calmly to explain that I had given her permission to take on a lover and that she was to tell me about their activities or let me be there with them.
My wife looked at me without saying a word as she undressed in the living room. I saw her body was roughed up, all of the obvious telltale signs of sex were upon her body. Red marks and hickeys on her throat and breasts, sore distended nipples, whisker burns on the insides of her thighs, swollen puffy red vulva, and cum matted in her cunt hair and on the insides of her legs. I took all of it in and she finally spoke. "This is what you wanted isn't it? Look at me dear, look at my body that has been very well used, yes very well used tonight and last week too!" I nodded in agreement her body was quite used, then I told her but we agreed she was to tell me, to show me, to let me be there. She said, "That's what YOU thought, Dear. But I am not playing by YOUR rules." She then told me in no uncertain terms that I had wanted another man to join in our sex life, and that one has, but not in the way I had envisioned. My wife then made it clear she was not going to tell me who her lover was, nor was she going to tell me what they did when they met, she was never going to make a video of her indiscretions for me to watch and she had no intention of ever letting me see another man fuck her.
I tried to tell her this is not what I wanted, this wasn't my fantasy, I wanted to be a part of her fucking other men, to see it, to hear about it, to join him in fucking her. Not this. Not being shut out in the cold. She ended it by saying, "you wanted a wife who fucked around, Dear. Now you have one. Its too bad it's not to your liking, but this is the bed you made, now you're just going to have to sleep in it!"
And sleep in it I am. The following week. Last week, was very cold and unfeeling in our house, it wasn't a home, anymore. My wife and I are barely speaking to each other and the kids are upset Mom and Dad are fighting. My wife seems to have no remorse or care how her conduct is affecting our children, me or our marriage. As for me, I am beside myself. Because I do not know who her lover is, I imagine it to be anyone and everyone. The mailman, our neighbor who looks so good in his swimsuit, the grocer so tall and dark, her boss so velvety smooth. I am envious and jealous and my heart skips a beat when ever she even talks, no matter how innocently, with anyone. When we are together and we meet some man, I scan his and my wife's faces for signs of familiarity, for subtle hints, for contempt of me. I don't sleep very well only a few hours a night and then it hardly seems to be worth the word.
So, it is now 2:00 AM Monday morning California time and my wife isn't home yet from her "date" Sunday night. For the third straight weekend my wife went out and is getting fucked by a man I don't know and whom if my wife has her way, I will never meet. My anxiety is maxed out. I thought by writing down this narrative I would be able to cope. I am barely able to write this report of my wife's cheating, for it is cheating isn't it? I mean its not what we want as a couple. It's purely what she only wants. I feel like shit. I probably wont get any tonight just like the past two weeks. Actually, I haven't gotten any from her for over a month now. Is that how long she has been fucking this guy? What have I done? What have I created here? More importantly, what can I do?
My wife came home just before 4:00 AM and again refused to tell me anything about what she has been doing and who she did it with. The only thing she did say was, "No wonder I didn't like doing it with you. You don't know how to fuck. Oh yeah, his cock is bigger than yours too!"